Dangit!! Dangit dangit danGIT!!
Six months ago, I told myself that I'd be bikini ready by January 1st (Polar Bear Plunge Day)... um, nope.
Three months ago, I told myself I'd be bikini ready by St. Patty's Day.
Last month, I told myself I'd be bikini ready by Spring Break, which is now in three freakin' days. (April 18th)
And am I bikini ready? OH HELL NO.
Ah, so maybe the ol' belly doesn't look SO bad, right??? WRONG. You should see what happens when I exhale, or bend, or scratch my ass. It's not pretty.
After a fall and winter of minimal excercise and maximum wine intake, I'm feeling less than pleased with my Tybee preparedness plan. So about a month ago, I started dragging my ass back to the gym (oh, it's literally right next door... but my driveway never seems more like no man's land than when I have to cross it to get to the gym. I'm like Snoopy, crawling through the field of doom.)
For a month now, I've been huffing and puffing, lifting weights and making itsy bitsy baby steps of progress. But I had a feeling that I could be doing more, and working harder. It's just so stinkin' hard to force yourself to do something day after day that isn't exactly, um... fun.
So I finally decided that I needed to bring in some outside help... the big guns... My friend, who happens to be a fitness trainer, Dana.
She sort of a total bad ass.
And let me tell you, not only does she have an awesome bag of tricks for mixing up a fitness routine, but she has the natural born talent for instructing and inspiring people. After nearly two hours of Dana motivating us with new techniques and her positive energy and passion for fitness, Mendy and I were chomping at the bit to get our sweat on.
Sure, we already knew that we have to change up our everyday routines so we can keep challenging our bodies, but we needed ideas about how to do this. (We get bored pretty easy, which is why we gave up on our Insanity and T25 plans... they rock, but jumping around in front of the t.v every day got old for us.)
We wanted some fresh new ways to get our sweat on, and Dana definitely delivered! She showed us how to work out using a Bosu ball (omg! Game changer!)
And stretchy bands, and the TRX system, and these little glider plastic plates that look like the things you slip under furniture to make it easier to move, and more. Plus, she gave us advice on how to do better with the tools we already have, like jacking up the incline on the treadmill and walking backwards (Hello quads!)
(By the way, I recommend starting on a VERY slow speed, like 1.2, before working your way up to 2... it's an extremely strange feeling to walk backwards, or sideways while going uphill on a machine on which you've only ever faced forward.)
And she challenged us to increase our weights (yes chicks CAN lift heavy without becoming bulky man beasts!) Mendy had been feeling like she wasn't working her legs and booty hard enough, and sure enough, by the time Dana was done with her (mentally), she was ready to add THIRTY pounds to the squats she'd been doing.
What? Squat 95 lbs thirty times? Okay!
And so what if she can't walk today? Her ass is gonna look AWESOME!
Throughout the meeting/consult/whatever you call it, I scribbled notes as fast as I could, and Mendy made a shopping list. (We love new gadgets.)
But even more important than the excercises and techniques, Dana encouraged us to replace our negative self talk with positive words and thoughts. Instead of saying, "Ugh, I've gotta go torture myself in the gym." I need to say, "Yay! I'm lucky to have another day to make myself a healthier person."
Or instead of staring into space between sets or finding a sudden interest in a hangnail and picking at it for five minutes, I need to say, "I have an hour in here, and the time's gonna pass whether I'm sitting here making excuses and doing nothing, or I'm sweating and becoming a healthier person... what's it gonna be?"
Well duh. I should know that. But we all know how easy it is to grab hold of the negative and wrap ourselves up in it like grandma's quilt. And one of the biggest ways I let negativity rule me is through my bathroom scale. While listening to me yammer about my weight woes, Dana noticed that I said that I was proud of myself for having a good week (no booze, minimal McFlurries, good sweaty excercise) but when I weighed myself, I was still the same (and it is NOT a nice number.) Seeing that weight on the scale deflated me and made me feel yucky.
Dana said, "Why do you let that scale do that to you? If you had a friend who slammed you on the ground after you told her what a great week you'd been having, you'd get rid of that friend, right?" (Okay, I'm paraphrasing.) "So WHY do you let the scale do that to you?"
She's right. The scale is an evil bitch. So I took her advice and pitched it.
I'm going to try to just focus on becoming stronger. I'm not going to obsess about a number on a scale. Can I do it? Stay tuned...
***DISCLAIMER*** Please don't think I'm preaching about excercise, or trying to sound like I'm some fitness loving psycho. I'm just me. Almost 42, a little soft around the middle, and trying to find a way to feel okay about myself while drinking beer on the beach all summer. The end. ;)
(And Dana, please don't kill me for putting your sweaty gym pic on here. Haha, I lurv ya!)